The One What Got Away.

Them boys what we’ve almost-loved n lost (a bit). The couldabeens. The werentquites. Those times. Not regrets – just… well you know. These are pretty long – just a warning. BUT IT’S OK BECAUSE WE DUN SOME DOODLES LIKE YOU LUFF! x


I walked into my local one sunny afternoon and was literally struck dumb at the sight standing at the bar. I shall call him Brett for he has the curly hair, stubble and brown eyes of the oh so gorgeous one from Flight of the Conchords.

You know sometimes someone is just sooooo good looking and so your taste that it sends a WHAM straight into your stomach and you wanna go over and snog their face off there and then? Well thats what i had. I spent the next four hours attempting to catch his eye and seemingly failing. At one point our paths crossed and i smiled and he did this sort of raised eyebrow thing back. Not a good raised eyebrow thing nor a bad really but well wasn’t quite what i was hoping for.  So myself and my friend left and i was oh so sulky and grumpy that this amazing man hadn’t come and spoke to me. On the drive home we pulled up at a junction i was turning left and the car next to me right. When i looked at the car next to me, there he was with a big stupid grin on his face giving me the thumbs up. I think i smiled back, i was too flustered to remember.

So when i got home i did what any self respecting girl would do and facebooked stalked him and found him. I then sent him this really stupid message……

Hi, i saw you in the Railway tonight….Your hair is made of awesomeness it took all my will power not to come over and sniff it……This isn’t at all creepy right?

I then had a mad “Oh my god oh my god, hes gonna think I’m fucking mental retract RETRACT RETRACT” Moment and sent him another message saying i hadn’t sent the first my drunk friend did. He replied laughing and saying he didn’t believe me and i quote “I  dig your zombie pics” (I had dressed up as a zombie one hallowheen and he freaking dug it YEAH!!!! So i replied to that and then heard absolutely NOTHING. Although a bit disappointed, i kind of decided that someone THAT good looking was probably a bit up themselves anyway.

Fast forward a few months and this guy i was kind of sort of seeing was getting on my nerves and before i knew what i was doing i had clicked on Brets profile and clicked on add as friend. EEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK he accepted EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK EEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK EEEKKKKKKKKK!

Then a week after that i was cooking tea when *POP* My facebook instant messenger popped up – Brett: Hello Nina. Oooh he messaged me first, me me MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! So we chatted and the next day we chatted, Then he was popping up everyday. Then we got onto our shared love of the beatles and spent a whole night sending youtube videos to each other. I made him laugh too, i know that cos of the amount of hahas he would write. Once after a particularly funny story he put this HAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha followed by hahahahahahahahahahah. See it was beautiful! I slipped into conversation the fact i had two kids and he didn’t run a mile. Even told him about the missing toes, His response – “Ha thats awesome!” Bloody top class reaction i was positively beaming. Then he told me how he had lost the tip of his finger so we were both stumpys…Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

So things carried on and i completely changed my initial thoughts about him, he didn’t seem cocky or up his own arse at all but then two weeks into our daily chatting he dropped this bomb shell. He was going to Australia not sure when he was coming back. He was leaving in two weeks……..TWO BLOODY WEEKS!!!

I decided it was fine afterall he was five years my junior, far too bloody gorgeous, with a gang of trendy young friends, he clearly wasn’t gonna hook up with a Mum of two anyway.

So we carried on IMing daily then a week before he left i walked into the pub and there he was………………DRAMATIC PAUSE…………………………..

………….So there he was in all his curly haired lovely armed glory…….Right in front of me. So i stood up and went over and said Hi. It was awkward YUCK it shouldn’t of been awkward we should of fell into each others arms or at least managed a proper conversation. I was like some bumbling Hugh Grant character and bumbled off muttering something about going for a roll up.

DAG NAM IT!!! We’d been so free and easy with our chat……….We’d had the bloody good chat EVERY GOD DAM MUTHA FUDGING DAY. Then we had an eye thing, you know i was at one end of the bar with my friends he was at the other and i could see he was looking over so i’d sneak a quick glance. OOOoohhh this was better!!!

Then i went out for another rolly and as i went out he was coming in and he stopped and stood and smoked with me. This time there was no awkwardness…Oh no siryyyy…It was fab. We talked and laughed and teased each other. Then my friends came out as they were going and i said i was gonna hang around for a bit. Then his friends came out and said they were going for a kebab, was he coming? He said No could they call them when they were finished and come pick him up in the cab. I did a little inner squeally dance…Eeeek he wanted to stay and chat with me!!!

So we carried on talking and after a while i said i would give him a lift to his friends if he wanted. He said yes if that was ok. So he got in my car…….He was in my frickin car!!! This man who for the last three months had been built up into some sort of god status was sitting in my car. My radio was broke and the only tape i had was Beatles Revolver and we were both singing along and chatting. We got to his friends road and i pulled up outside, this was about 1am.





We carried on talking and smoking, he asked more about me bifda and how it effected me, we spoke about the kids and relationships and food, and films and stuff. I was really surprised i dunno there was a lot more to him than i thought. At one point we got onto the subject of Lord of the Rings and he was such a geek about it, i could of listened to him talk

about it all night, it was frickin adorable. And he also said and this was my favourite thing EVER that he didn’t want to meet me in real life as he was leaving and he knew he was gonna like me. HE LIKED ME!!!!!!

So it got to 4am and i said why dont we go back to mine for tea and toast and pate and he said that was a great idea so i started the car and………….NOTHING!!! The frickin car had gone flat which may have been because i had the stereo on for three hours!!! So i called the RAC and they said they’d be a few hours. I told him he could go in as it was flippin freezing at this point but he said he wanted to stay. So we carried on talking and about 5am he fell asleep. God he looked cute all sleeping….It took every ounce of my willpower not to touch his amazing hair. I couldn’t sleep was in some sort of bubble of weirdness and couldn’t quite believe he was sleeping next to me. The RAC man eventually came about 7am, he woke up all bleary eyed but still gorgeous. The RAC man who looked about 12 made some comment about the fact we smelt, then the stoopid idiot couldn’t fix my car and said he would have to tow me home. So that was that, we got out the car and said goodbye we didn’t even hug. Probably for the best as we really did stink. He went to his friends and i went and sat in the RAC mans stupid massive truck.

So thats that, he’s in Australia now…….We messaged a bit at first but not so much now. I know I’ve totally girled the whole thing up…… It was probably just a normal Saturday night for him……………. But jeez its not often you meet a hot curly haired geek with a slight amputation who rolls his own……. Specially not round these parts.


I used to go to a yoof group. A big national one. There were LOADS of boys there and the main activities were Finding Boys To Fancy, Finding Boys Who’ll Snog You, and Finding Boys Who’ll Be Your Penpal. We’d all go on a big national camp twice a year and that was the main chance to carry out the aforementioned activities. You and your local gang of sillies would be joined up with one or two others to form a merry team for all your activities for the week or whatever, and that was an excellent way to find Boys To Fancy.

Winter Camp 1995-6 came around and in my lovely group prancing around in the snow on some terrifyingly cold desolate army barracks for 5 days was lovely lovely smiley chatty D. He was brilliant and fun VERY CUTE and short and had CURTAINS which was the best boy haircut EVER. My diary from the time can fill us in with the rest:

“Couldn’t BELIEVE my luck when we ended up with D for THE WHOLE TIME. He is so cute and funny and cute and lovely and he kept sitting next to me for things and when we did this drama thing where you had to pick an animal he said PENGUIN without even knowing it’s my favourite animal. He’s so lovely I had  the best time basically all because of the cutest most lovely gorgeous cute guy” (L.G. 2nd Jan 1996)

The next year passed. There were various events to see each other at. I didn’t even know this boy very well but I basically adored him and thought about him ALL the time. We had enough mutual friends, some at his school, for me to keep up to date about how his hair looked and so on. Our entire ‘history’ if you want to call it that is basically just me thinking about him as a teenager. Anyway the year passed – although of course we all know 1 year to a hormonal teenager is the same as like 3 years in grown-up-life. Or 3 months? I forget which. So the NEXT Winter Camp arrived. We weren’t in the same team but we were a bit more grown up now (at like 14 or 15… obviously) and spent more time hanging out and he even gave me his beloved football scarf to wear (BASICALLY 2nd BASE FOR A 14yr OLD GIRL). New Years Eve rolled around and we had our big disco, and midnight struck with all its hugging and smooching and D came over and here is a re-enactment of the events that followed:


New Years Eve 1997

New Years Eve 1997


He found me in the crowd, and with outstretched arms said “Cm’ere… happy new year…” AND WE SMOOCHED!!! A Proper Snog too. For, like, about 25 whole seconds or maybe even 30. It was amazing. A second after I ran STRAIGHT off to tell ALL my friends who were all SO happy. I basically did a victory lap of the disco.






I turned my back for like 10 minutes and he was snogging SOMEONE ELSE! Who was a really good friend of mine too. I obviously forgave him because I adored him and spent the next 5 years not speaking to her ever again (until we ‘made up’ on millennium new years eve actually). We’d hang out at various house parties and smooched again once or twice, maybe when ‘drunk’ on WKD or some other delicious teenage beverage of choice. I think by this point liking him had become habit more than anything else.

Cue Other Stuff (exams, uni, travelling etc…). Brief catch up at his sister’s engagement party (as am now good friends with his sister). He’s still cute – handsome now, even, but living abroad, and I’ve met The Australian by now so it’s basically just nice to see him and that’s all. Facebook, keeping in touch, occasional chit chat yada yada.

He lives round the corner to me now. I know he has a girlfriend because, well, I know these things. Mutual friends and so on. Also, we spoke about her once or twice on FB chat. So he’s off work at the moment and bored so we went to the pub. We met at 6 and got kicked out after closing. We talked about music, and life, and sex and being teenagers and films and love and people getting married and basically everything with barely a pause for breath. There was LOADS I didn’t know about him. He’s actually way more awesome than I realised. Not, like, romantically – but I’d put him on such a pedestal for all those lustful teenage years that I never PROPERLY bothered to get to know him and after The New Years Eve Incident I’d decided he was such an idiot that I didn’t care any more anyway. He’s stop me and say brilliant things like “YOU’RE AMAZING THOUGH YOU’RE SO REEEEAL” and if it was any kind of date situation all of these things would have been well encouraging, but I mainly felt happy that he clearly seems to get me and knows who I am. Not even in any kind of “see what you’re missing” way – it left me feeling more like what a shame that we could have probably been good mates for years. Hopefully we will be now.

Here’s a bit of email what I sent to my Panda the next morning:

Was still very cute always was and is a shorty which adds to the cuteness. Haha stupid little bits of me kept thinking OH GOD PLEASE PLEASE LOVE ME KISS ME DO SOMETHING LETS GET MARRIED IVE LOVED YOU MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE SINCE I WAS 14 PLEEEEEASE but that’s not real I think it’s just habit – basically we just got on super-mega well. When i was a kid I ADORED him and put him on this pedestal without actually knowing each other but turns out he’s WAY MORE AWESOME than I ever realised back then!! Hopefull we’ll just be SuperPals now

A few texts and cheeky emails arrived by the time he got home from the pub… but fairly playful and nothing dramatic. I think. There were a lot of “X”’s flying about but we’d drunk a fair bit I suppose. He DID tell me things with his girlfriend were pretty shaky and they’d had a big “I don’t want this any more” type argument at the weekend – I kinda panicked and thought OH GOD REBOUND/GET-OUT-CHEATING SCENARIO you know the thing I mean. But sometimes when those things go wrong it’s just nice to relax and drink and talk bullshit for 5 or 6 hours non stop. He sent me a message saying:

shame u had work tommorrow..cud have carried on ranting for hours:)))

If you ever get the chance to reeeeally meet up with someone who had a big impact on your past – specifically those horrifically emotional teenage ones – and have your perception, opinion, everything of them changed for you – I highly recommend you do it. I think he’s even coming to our Halloween party.

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3 Responses to The One What Got Away.

  1. Bonnie says:

    Panda’s story sounds like one of those stories to tell the Grandkids after you meet up again and end up together forever!
    Crumpet- I now live with my first horrifically emotional teenage one. Still trying to decide if that’s a good thing…ha!

  2. Pingback: X marks the spot… | Panda & Crumpet

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