somethingsomething rhyming something

Well gorgeous lovely bloggofans. We’ve had a silly ol’ week. BOYS infected our brains and we had a megaspazzo and collapsed on a pile of mashed potato with gravy running out of our ears instead of ideas. WRITERS BLOCK. What with people feeling a bit shit about the general state of the world, we thought we’d cheer you all up. Rap it. Rhyme it. It might be our silliest daftest post yet. Sorry for lack of drawin’s but we’ll pay you double next week honest. x


For every boy from every year
I thought I’d write about you here.
From my first kiss in ’92
To that thing last week with you-know-who

So my first kiss – won’t say his name
Was by the BIKE SHED – yeah. THE SHAME.
Not even kidding. After school
But he had braces – not too cool.

The snoggy times of teenage days
Are jumbled up in hormone-haze
But the few things I remember well
Are good enough to have to tell

Like parties round at my friend Kate’s
We’d drink White Lightning & stay up late
I’d fancy ALL the boys and snog one or two
There was even that one who puked on his shoe

That one who everyone REALLY liked
Who came up to me in the park on his bike
Was WELL happy when he picked me
Out of ALL of the park. We kissed under a tree.

That boyfriend I had who I met one cold night
He’d come down and visit and we’d get on alright
We held hands all day and smooched and stuff
But dumped him for a bit of rough

At art college I messed around
With every indie boy I found
That one with pink hair, the manics fan
The short one and that ginger man

Now with the texts and the emails and tweets
It’s more fun and well tricky to know who to meet
But computers are fun and we do love a geek
And we find us a new one to play with each week

From one night stands to long term things
And summer love to short-lived flings
Through heartbreak, tears and fun and games
Don’t regret a thing or it wouldn’t be the same

I’ve not got a fella but think it’s alright
I just meet lots of folks and play out every night
Not quite time to relax or be settling down
Too much to get done here in London town

One day I suppose I’ll find someone to be
Just as silly and stupid and confused as me
Till then it’s all fine and it aint a hard job
Coz it gives me the stuff to write here on this blog. Innit.


So Crumpet said lets make a rhyme
About the boys from yestertime

Like the one who popped my cherry
for the sake of this we’ll call him Terry
It was going quite smoothly, i was full of joy
Till the fateful christmas he bought me a tweetie pie cat toy

Then i met a scottish man
Not in Scotland in BIRMINGHAM
All got together for an Auto Trader works do
Danced at the disco snogged in the Loo

At 19 i met a boy who smelled of soap
He didn’t own a belt so used a bit of rope
I took him to a wedding and he danced with me Mam
When i broke up with him (he called her up and asked her for coffee, she said no OBV and this dont rhyme but still….)

The man who’s fridge was covered in 70’s porn
On top of his christmas tree Spider man did adorn
He was an absolutely lovely nutcase
and taught me all about Linda Lovelace

The one who called my boyfriend a wanker
Then drove to my house absolutely Tanker(ed)
We had a good few weeks of fun
But he was a trendy i was into grunge

Or the one that i shall call Ted
Who fed the horse so hard i fell off the bed
He’d never been with a girl before
Straight after that i showed him the door

So these are some of the ones I’ve not mentioned before
Unfortunately none of them i did adore
I was never like, Oh you’re facking tops
I’ll spend a small fortune shipping you coco pops

It was all fun though and no regrets
Because they’ve all led me to the man I haven’t yet met.

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2 Responses to somethingsomething rhyming something

  1. Tom says:

    Well I know what I’ll be reading to the children who come to the centre this afternoon.

    (n.b. Your poems)

  2. Faye Godwin says:

    Ah, such lush poetic words 🙂 Made me take a trip down memory lane to the boys i’ve kissed, loved, stalked and lusted after.

    Hooray to all the fun to be had in finding someone as messed up as I am!

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