Body talk Oooooohhh Body talk

This has been really hard to think about. Panda’s idea… and a difficult one although we’ve been talking & thinking about this for a few weeks now. Like always. A few people have recently told us how surprised they are at how open we’ve been with the things we post on here. To be honest that’s always kind of been our intention… like we always say – these posts are structured around emails we’ve sent to each other whilst getting to know each other, or help each other out in boy-related situations…


So. My body. I’ll be frank and honest knowing I’m at no real risk… I’m single anyway and anyone considering changing that will at some point no doubt see me nekkid anyway so.. Warning. contains spoilers.

I’ve never been skinny or slim. I come from a family of sweet wobbly Jews and boy do they love to feed. Where I get my Need to Feed from innit. Curvey. Classic pear shape. Squishy and soft in all the right places and most of the wrong ones too. Get this though – I love it. I totally need to exercise more and tone up and what not but skinny doesn’t suit me or make me happy. I don’t look amazing in a bikini but for the 4 days a year where I might consider wearing one you’re probably more likely to notice my boobs than my squishy tummy. I’ve not really had much shit from boyfriends about things like that. I guess I’m quite proportional looking so they had a vague idea of what to expect. In Oz I lost a ton of weight from depression and not eating and stress and misery and whatnot. I came home the smallest I’ve been as an adult. I wasn’t happy though was I?! I’ve got friends who are tiny or trim or petite and by golly they just can’t rock a vintage frock like I do haha. And you know what? They aint as happy. I like to eat healthily and well without being mental and obsessive. I know that bad stuff is bad for you and good stuff is good for you but I also know what’s good for your BRAIN too. Well, mine anyway. I’m not being preachy here – only about myself and how I feel.

Anyway the 2 things I HAVE had shit about from guys are… hilariously… my hair and my eyesight.

I don’t really see so much out of my right eye and I don’t have binocular vision. Problems with depth perception means it usually takes me like 2 goes to grab hold of the holdy-on thing on the bus, and is probably a massive contributing factor to my excessive clumsiness. My mum always (stupid hippy) sweetly said it’s why I “see the world differently”. Clever. It’s also why I can’t drive. Not, like, legally – I have taken a driving test (10yrs ago) but failed on pulling out of the test centre. But I get reeeaally confused by mirrors. Reversing is NOT my friend. BUT THATS FINE because I live in London, and when I haven’t lived in London I’ve had good transport or a bicycle or a boyfriend with a car. Apart from the boyfriend I was with when I decided I DID want to drive, who said “I really don’t think that’s a good idea… I mean LOOK how retarded your vision is. You’re more likely to pass an assessment for disability allowance than pass a driving test”. What a PRICK.

The same boy AND HIS MOTHER both used to find my hair ridiculous. My hair is naturally MASSIVE and MEGACURLY. It’s ace. It’s wild and it stops me from looking like everybody else. Which is fun. The first time they ever saw it straight they both said “ohhh that’s MUCH better – you almost look normal!”. PRICKS.

So yeah. LOOK AT YOURSELF. Look at what you like. Look at what you’ve got and love it. If there are bits you don’t love, work to change it. YEAH x


I think most people have something they don’t like about themselves whether that be over weight, underweight, big nose, small tits, massive tits, that weird mole you never want anyone to see. At this moment in time i have a grand total of five toes. Thats one on one foot and four on the other, so you know pushed together I’ve got a full set WOO HOO! It’s not even Big Lebowski style where I’ve got pretty feet and missing toes. They’re pretty much fucked, got broken, healed wrong. As well as that i have a big Ol scar on my back and the general stuff you know wobbly thighs and a stomach that’s not been washboard like since 2004. I’m comfortable in my own skin but it certainly wasn’t always like that.

I managed to go 7 years and several different boyfriends before anyone even glimpsed any of it. I was clever with disguising it and hiding it but fuck it was exhausting. If i met someone new it would be the first thing i wanted to blurt out and tell them, i figured everyone would be totally repulsed by it.  Then i met someone who practically pinned me down and ripped the socks off my feet. His reaction “Oh is that it?” He seemed quite disappointed, i clearly had built it up to Jon Merrick fucking standards when in actual fact it wasn’t that bad.

See then i thought would it bother me? Well of course it wouldn’t, i had a boyfriend once with stretch marks up his back. He absolutely hated them couldn’t bear for me to see them. Well i loved them, i loved the imperfection more than the typical lovely parts. Because it was unique and they were part of him.

There’s nothing more sexy than someone who is comfortable in their own skin. Who embraces the things that make them different. Same goes for there’s nothing more unattractive than someone who is continually moaning about what they look like.

In my opinion there’s no such thing as ugly or beautiful, it’s all facking relative innit. Because someone you think is an absolute horror, someone else would fancy the pants off of. Look at Rocky Dennis, he got someone in the end, granted she was blind but still ITS A VALID POINT.

I know for me when i fall in love with someone I fall in love with ALL OF THEM. So it makes sense that, that would work both ways. And those superficial ones that I have come across certainly weren’t the right ones for me.

So embrace the things that make you different, have confidence that you are gorgeous because if you think it you’ll be it. And god, perfects so overrated and frankly its BORING AS FACK!

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8 Responses to Body talk Oooooohhh Body talk

  1. Helen says:

    As a MEGATALLHUMAN my height has always been an issue for me. My weight has gone up and down over the years but even at my skinniest I was never gonna be petite and ickle and cute, not at 6’1″ (and a bit).

    Two bits of advice have kind of mitigated that though:

    1. If you slouch you look tall. And this works for most things – if you walk around feeling dumpy, you’ll look dumpy, if you are desperately conscious of your big nose people will be forced to pay attention to it. Ignore it, wear it with pride, make it who you are and people will see YOU, not your nose/saddlebags/lankyfreakness.

    2. No one fucking cares. Seriously, you think I’m looking at your cellulite? I’m not. I’m looking at the pretty shoulders you’ve never noticed you have and obsessing about my swimmers/her-off-Eastenders-who-was-in-that-Christmas-Dr-Who ones. People are WAY too vain/self obsessed/nice to be thinking about your failings when they could happily be hating themselves instead. Seriously – self-hatred is like CRACK to us. Why do you think so many people read the Daily Mail?

  2. pandacrumpet says:

    Hahahahahaha Facking Luff you Helen! x

  3. Jodie says:

    This one resonates with me as I was born with a cleft lip and palate so my ‘wobbly’ bits are there for everyone to gawp at at their leisure (and believe me, they do gawp).

    Although I have always generally been at peace with my disorder (nothing I can do about it, so better get on with it), it still had a devastating effect on my self-confidence. I have mentioned before that the first time I met Panda I could literally not force a single word to leave my mouth and spent most of my school life in a semi-mute state. Boys, if anyone was going to pick on me it was boys. Leaving me with an intense fear of them and when I did start ‘dating’ them, feeling so grateful that I had attention from them that I put up with all sorts of nonsense from them for years. The two most notable being R the intense boy from Saks (Panda knows this place!) who was so mean to me in so many ways that it took me several years to date again. And when I did I chose M, cool older musician and alcoholic who stole all my money out of my bank account!

    However, after much intense soul-searching I decided that my facial/ body scars did not mean I had to put up with all this nonsense and I have finally found a lovely lovely man who sees me for me, yay!

  4. rachel says:

    I love this blog! I used to be a size 8 and am now a 16. I loathe my body and have yo yo dieted for years. I will admit, I love my food and have no willpower! However, nearly al the men I’ve met in recent years or spoken to online don’t care about bones and sleek figures, they actually want wobbly bits on their women! I envy Pandas figure and her hair but I’m glad she’s got weird toes like me, broke both my big toes when I was 8 and they never healed right! They’re nobbly and gross lol. I can’t stand feet anyway, on anyone Yak. Lol. But, when I love someone, I love all of them whatever they have and whatever it looks like and I’m thankful others think like that too!

  5. The Tank Gyrl says:

    This is so entirely beautiful.

    I work in the photo/entertainment industry where I am bombarded on a daily basis with the “beautiful people.” On all my castings, I make a concerted effort to find talent who are what is referred to as “REAL” looking. Which bugs the crap out of me – because we’re all REAL. Real looks different on everyone, but whatever, it’s a step in the right direction, so I’ll go with it.

    When will the world realize that it’s not about being perfect?
    It’s about being happy with yourself.
    If you’re happy with yourself, it shows.
    There is nothing more attractive than someone who is comfortable in their own skin.

    And as for the boys – the lovely and wise Xatrax had a saying years back – the jist of it was this – If a man is close enough to you to see the flaws up close, those flaws are the LAST thing on his mind. 🙂

  6. pandacrumpet says:

    Dawwwwwww you ladies are AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you for sharing all that, you’re all Gawgouse both inside and out!!!!!

    and Jodie remember all the so called perfect girls from school….Have you bladdy seen em now ha!!!

    Much love to all your faces! xxxxx P x

  7. Glynis says:

    This is a subject near and dear to me. We all deal with messed up ways of seeing ourselves. We should stop tearing ourselves down so much.

    One of my favorite responses to a group of people throwing themselves into a shame spiral is “Who has been saying such terrible things about you? Come! We shall firebomb them!” (Which I nicked from a book by Kaz Cooke called Real Gorgeous.)

  8. dejah says:

    I’ve had weight problems all my life (first under-, then over-) and zero confidence in my looks. Until I moved to Japan. I tell ya, the only thing people here like more than underage-looking schoolgirls, is wobbly bits. In fact anything DIFFERENT is exotic and sexy, including my hair color and my big nose. Weirdly, the effect of this overcorrection (going from short, chubby and average to Nicole Kidman just by virtue of geography) has been to set me at a nice, normal level of self-confidence. Which I now realize I should have had in the first place.

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