Happy new year. It’s nice that you’re still here. That you survived death by mince-pie overload, zombie apocalypse and that pesky Y2K bug. Well done.
A lot has changed for both of us since we started this blog. We’ve talked about what we might still want to write about, or what direction we might want to take things in here. The thing is, we still talk all the time. Still email long rants about all sorts of things. Still sob on skype after a hard day or a family drama. So we’re still here. Still writing. We’re not sure what sort of path things might go down on here for now but we don’t have any rules… so for now we’ll keep plodding along and feel free to tell us when we’ve lost it. x
I never make new year’s resolutions. In fact, for years I’ve been categorically against them. A few months ago when we first started writing the blog, I went to my parent’s house and looked through a few of my old diaries. 1995 had some brilliant resolutions in the front – they were sensible, obtainable things like to kiss more boys, do more homework, be nicer to my brother, that sort of thing. I’ve never been a very goal-orientated person. If I dared to investigate it properly its probably something about fear of failure… maybe. Although I’m not really like that. I’m far too spontaneous is probably the problem. I don’t plan very far ahead really, so making goals doesn’t feel very natural to me. It may also explain why I’m in a bit of a rut career wise, and tend to float from one thing to another, enjoying it for a year or so, then trying my hand at something totally different.
I’ve never had a problem with trying lots of different things. I’m OK-to-average at most things I try. I’m a quick learner and I love trying new things. I’ve never really had a job with enough long-term prospects to warrant me making any goals relating to that. Despite finding where I work mostly interesting – it’s quirky and important and interesting and something I’m very passionate about – but I am definitely bored, and for the first time ever, I’m bored because I know I can’t ever progress there. So my new year’s resolution – well my first ever proper goal I suppose – is that I’m going to get a new job this year. I’m not entirely sure what it’s going to be – but I know I have to love it enough for it to encourage me to make goals, and plans, and think about PROSPECTS. It’s all far more grown up than anything I’ve ever realised before, but it came to me quite naturally. So I’ll go with it.
I did think of a few other resolutions. Some of these things you might already know about me, but here goes. MY WARDROBE IS RIDICULOUS.
I pretty much only ever wear red, white, blue or black. Usually stripes. Or spots. Or with birds on. My housemates find it hilarious and easy to predict something about my outfit for whatever occasion I’m getting dressed for, and they’re usually right. This has been my ‘uniform’ for years and years now. I thought I might try wearing some other colours. Maybe it’ll have some other sort of effect on my life. Probably not. It’ll probably just make me look a bit different. On certain days. Maybe. It’s a silly one but it’s alright to make fun resolutions too, right?
I need to travel more this year. Last year I only made it to the south of france for a week. I’d love to be able to visit Laurie – my ‘Other Lauren G’. We’ve been internoodle pals for over a year now and have both been stuck in similar sorts of funks this year… we tried considering travel plans where we meet somewhere in the middle, but the greatest thing would be to go to LA, and have some sort of hilarious road trip around California with her. We’ll see. I MUST go to Paris this year. I’ll probably die if I don’t get back there ASAP. I will spend more time by the south coast. I love Brighton so dearly and always feel inspired there. In a few short months I’ll have a new baby godson to visit on the coast and doubt I’ll keep away for long. Exploring makes me happy. Adventure spurs me on. We’ll see where I end up.
I’m opinionated and angry about a lot of things in this world. I tell people off for where they shop, what they buy, for their lack of interest in consumer ethics. I’m going to try to stop this. What you chose to buy and where is your business, and if I’ve mouthed off at you in the past 12 months then I apologise.
These are my resolutions. They’ll lead to other things I expect… I like the idea of them being a little bit organic – of changing, adapting them based on what I might achieve or even fail at. We’ll see, eh? I thought my christmas was ruined and my new year would be lonely and sad… I ended up surrounded by wonderful people, having spontaneous adventures and the loveliest times in ages. If good things can happen when you set yourself about them… then perhaps even better things can happen when you don’t even plan for them.
I’m generally a Happy little Panda but as I sit down to write this post my heads in a bit of turmoil and I’m glugging down a pint of Faileys. (Oh yeah it’s that fucking meh) So New Year eh, WOO BLOODY HOO. (I’m being sarcastic you can see that right?) No it’s actually not that bad, cerealy…….
I ended the year on a proper high, after a year of boy dramas and trying to find my feet as a single Ma, things were good. Things were great, ARE GREAT! I have collected a bunch of amazing friends, me family are proper top, I’ve got a nice little nest and me and the tiny Pandas have really found our groove. Oh and I also have a rather lovely new Mr Panda too.
So yes if I stop being so dramatic and swigging my fake Baileys I can see that life is grand but there’s one HUGE thing missing – A Job. Obviously the two small Pandas have been my ‘Job’ for the last six years but as much as I adore being a Mamma it’s not the only thing I wanna do. I’ve been training for the last four years to be a counsellor. I’m really good at it and its something that I really wanna do. But somewhat naively I kind of thought I would finish my training and this job would magically appear.
Well it seems I’m not gonna get a magic job, i might actually have to do some ground work. counselling jobs are thin on the ground, and where do I wanna take it anyway? You know long-term I want them to write books on my theories, I wanna have a big fuck off statue of MYSELF in Trafalgar Square….You know small dreams like that.
But slowly slowly catch the monkey right? So this New Year I shan’t be giving anything up….Why the fuck would you deprive yourself of something in the most depressing month anyway? But I shall set myself small goals. I’m a firm believer that we create everything ourselves and you CAN get everything you want (Just not always by magic) So my first step is getting a voluntary placement somewhere, and thinking that once I’m in they’ll adore me and offer me a fully paid job……….Then I’ll go sit for my statue.
Ooooh feeling more positive already, so yeah if you’re stuck in a rut or miserable or something. Then change it, believe you can do it (even if you have to fake that belief at first) and you will succeed. Think about your goal no matter how big or out of reach it may seem. Then work your way backwards by steps untill you find something, that first step on the path, ladder whatever, that’s doable and go bloody do it. Life’s one big adventure aint it, our own personal film, it’s no good just sitting back and viewing it and hoping something magically will happen. Life’s there for the living, grab it like a big old ball of play dough and work it into whatever you damn well please.
So my lovely cockles, here’s to 2011 the year when we ‘Go get em Tiger!!’ WOO HOO!!!!!! x