We are not doctors, or scientists, or teachers. But we are women. As a consequence of this, we are prone to the occasional mood swing. Or to sobbing uncontrollably. Or being insatiably horny. All in the space of one exhausting hour. We thought we’d have a think about why…


Women are mental. What with all the cats, having to maintain body hair on a daily basis (I just trimmed up for the spring it took me hours AND two razors) our love/hate relationship with carbs, shedding our inner lining once a month and inappropriate crushes (70-year-old Granddad round the play school) ANYWAY most of this can be attributed to hormones. Bastard things, I’ve no idea of the science behind them but I know if tampered with they are in fact EVIL.

We’re not told this though, women get things like the pill practically pushed down our throats without any warning of what those tiny little baby stoppers can do. From the age of 16 I was taking some sort of hormone thingymajiggy to stop myself getting knocked up. First the pill which made me fat, spotty and angst ridden. Of course this could be contributed to any normal teenage girl behaviour.

Then in my twenties I began to get severe headaches and more miserableness and was prone to forgetting to take them, so I went on the hormone injections. They never said there’d be side effects, I think possible weight gain was mentioned, but that was it. Well it turned me into a miserable, weepy, angry mess. Although life and relationships weren’t great at the time either so again it could be blamed on circumstance. Although I know in both these situations I instantly felt better when I stopped taking them.

Then I had Children so contraception wasn’t needed (everyone knows once you have children you NEVER have sex) I think in the period between having my two boys and my relationship declining I did try the pill again and once again found myself a total mess. I was getting an inkling then, that maybe hormones disagreed with me. What with the internet I was able to see other people talk about the link between hormone contraceptives and mood swings.

Once my relationship ended I didn’t need to be on anything so was a happy little bunny in my first year of being single but then I met someone. So I trotted off to my GP’s this time armed with the knowledge that perhaps hormones and me just don’t mix. So she put me on a pill that had a low dose and told me to see how I got on. Now this time life was good, I was happier than I’d been in a long time, there were no circumstances to blame my moods on. But moody I became and paranoid and generally a bit of a nightmare so back to the DR’s I went.

Marina coil she said, if you were my sister I’d tell you too have that. What about my fucking mentalness I said. Oh don’t worry it’s a small localised hormone that won’t have any effect at all. WOO HOO!!! Ok so I should state here that I know many of you LOVE the coil but this is how it effected me. I was fine at first, periods were lighter, PMT was quite normal at a few days max. Then 8 months in I stared noticing my PMT lasting a week, then 10 months in it became two weeks. Then just before Christmas it really hit me, I was having more bad days than good, my mood swings were horrendous. I began taking it out on my lovely other half, my behaviour was quite erratic and I was showing some classic self-destructive type behaviour. January of this year I reached a real low, some days I had to drag myself out of bed, I was snappy and withdrawn, my sex drive had disappeared and I pretty much hated everyone and everything. So I did a little Google of the Mirena coil and found forums and forums of women talking about the same symptoms as mine. They also said how their GP’s were having none of it and wouldn’t accept their behaviour and depression was down to the coil.

I felt a massive relief reading that and as soon as I could, I booked in to get it removed. I was all ready for a fight with the Dr and had actually ran through my head whether it would be plausible to rip the thing out myself. Luckily she was lovely,and understanding and didn’t disagree that it affects your moods, so out it came.

That was a month ago now and god it feels good. I’m happy and positive. I’ve more patience with the kids, my relationship has improved dramatically, I feel lighter and basically I feel like me again. Now as I said I know many of you have great success with things like the pill and the coil and other hormone contraceptives. That’s great, apart from the fact it turned me into a Psychokiller everything else about it was brilliant. I do think however for people prone to bad reactions with hormones it needs to be highlighted more. If I’d never connected the link between the two I’d still be an absolute crazy miserable cowbag. I dunno I just think if there’s another way then don’t mess with your hormones THEY ARE EVIL AND THEY MADE ME LIKE OLLY MURS (probably)

I also think if you’re in a relationship then make sure it’s a conversation you both have, it shouldn’t just be down to the girl to sort it out. It’s not as easy as just popping a pill and hey presto HAPPY DAYS. Not for everyone anyway. It’s both your responsibility to stay safe and not just from babies either. So do your research, give things a go and don’t be afraid to talk to your GP if it doesn’t feel right for you.


Once a month, like clockwork, I would go a little bit bonkers. Grumpy. Upset. Worried. Chocolate. All of the feelings. This is how it is with The Hormones for a teenage girl. Add to this the anxieties caused by boys, exams, awkward social situations, not fitting in etc… and basically you can attribute most of the ‘struggles’ of those pubescent years to hormonal imbalances. I couldn’t wait to grow out of it, for things to ‘settle down’ and for life to somehow be simpler.

And then I went on the pill.

Now obviously this is a choice. I suffered from horrific period pains as a teenager and in my early twenties too. Some contraceptive pills are particularly brilliant at calming this stuff down. I took Cilest for years and years – after moving in with my first Proper Long Term Boyfriend, and after having had enough of sitting in a bath hotter than the sun for a week just to ease the pain in my abdomen on a monthly basis. Lovely brilliant pills.

I’m well aware that different pills are different for everyone. I’m not talking about everyone. I’m talking about me.

You see the thing is, these general moody imbalances caused by periods, taking the pill doesn’t stop them or change them. No no. It adds a whole new set of symptoms. It’s dismissive to blame the pill outright for this because generally speaking, if I’m on the pill, there’s probably a ‘situation’ occurring with a man. Or that I’m hoping there may be. Which creates a whole set of issues/feelings/moods of its own of course. So whilst it’s easy to blame mood swings, paranoia, confusion etc on the pill, those are also pretty much the same feelings I get when I fancy someone or want to do bad things to them.

A big issue I have with the availability and wide-spread use of the pill ‘these days’, is male attitudes towards it. I’m going to make a massive generalisation here based only on my own experiences. Boys. Hate. Condoms. Which is pretty silly really. Whilst we all know what feels like what and where and when… this shit is important, oui? Men get to say that not only do they dislike a whole bunch of things about condoms, but that they also don’t like to ‘take risks’. So… you don’t want a baby but you want to get rude… So off you go to take these magic little pills that mean you get to have all the sex you like, whilst COMPLETELY changing your body. Taking the pill effects your weight, your skin, your moods, how you think and feel… the works. But it’s OK, because you’re less likely to fall pregnant and you don’t necessarily have to use a condom. The ease at which we accept this situation is completely bonkers when you think about the other issues brought up by taking the pill. Risks of various cancers. Your blood pressure. Migraines. Heaps of stuff.

BOYS! What are YOU doing in this situation, hmm? I’m not generally one for ranting about gender inequality but I know that there are many MANY situations in my recent history where hormones – whether naturally occurring or a result of the pill – have been the cause or root of an argument or some erratic behaviour on my part – words or actions that have no doubt effected the outcome of lots of scenarios.

In the past few years, I’ve swung from the highs of feeling level-headed, fresh and fine whilst taking nothing at all, (but accepting that I must suffer being an absolute bitch with terrible cramps for a short spell each month), to feeling paranoid, depressed, needy and, honestly, a complete emotional mess, regardless of which week in the month it is. Right now, I’m in the 3rd month of trying a completely new pill. Whilst my reasons for taking it in the first place are currently, shall we say, non-existent… (aherm), I feel fine. In fact, a friend said to me the other day “it is SO nice to see you this sane… maybe the most sane since I’ve known you.” – I wasn’t even insulted because she was absolutely right.

But I am taking something.
Which is changing the chemicals in my body.
But I feel okay.
But there are no boys.

So is that why I feel alright? Does my brain produce 4 billion gallons of messy hormonal chaos when I come within 12 feet of someone I like, in some sort of sabotage attempt to force me to stay at home watching Ren & Stimpy whilst sitting alone, in my pants, falling asleep stuffing delicious buttery granary toast in to my gob?

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13 Responses to Horrormoans

  1. Jen says:

    I completely agree with Panda about the Pill, since it’s launch in the 70s it has been seen as the gateway to a happy life and a way to solve everything contraception related. “Take the Pill, it will liberate you sexually and let you take control of your fertility!” Maybe then it was necessary for women to wrest control of reproduction but I don’t know whether that’s the case anymore. I took the pill for a year in my teens and just decided one day that I wasn’t having it anymore. Didn’t seem right or natural to me to play with my body’s rhythms. I figured, even at that age, that, if a guy wants to be with me then he needs to take responsibility too and that you don’t only need protection from getting up the duff. Condoms are a brilliant option because they don’t mess with anyone’s hormones and you’re protected from more than just pregnancy. I know so many women who have mad crazy mood swings, even going as far as anxiety attacks, and, when I suggest they might like to consider not taking the Pill for a bit to see if it all settles down some of them think I’m nuts. It’s like a mass brainwashing has happened and we just pop the Pill without even wondering how it works and what it does to our body chemistry.

  2. The timing of this is uncanny. I’ve been experimenting with contraception for years to try and find something that doesn’t either turn me into Psycho Bitch from Hell, or cause spots or incredible pain.

    I was on the injection for years. Once the spotting became continuous I went to the quack to see what could be done. They gave me the pill to stop the bleeding and my word, it was like watching myself on TV. I had absolutely no control over the firey rage and those two weeks of RAAAAA probably contributed to that relationship coming to a nasty end. Of course at the time I didn’t attribute it to that and was left feeling like a complete emotional wreck who couldn’t control herself and was more than a bit mental.

    I tried the copper coil to avoid hormones and that gave me enough pain each month that it almost put me off having sprogs….

    The doctor eventually recommended the mini pill, which I started in February. That only served to make my final decision (along with The Man) that my own hormones are quite enough to deal with, I don’t need any extra ones thank you please!

  3. Michelle says:

    My experience was almost identical to Panda’s. I was eventually persuaded to try the mirena when my youngest was approaching 1yr old. I went from being blissfully happy to feeling like I wanted to murder everyone around me! I’d speak to my hubby online and be all…”I miss you so much…I love you…can’t wait for you to get home…” and then I’d watch him walk in the door and think “what can I throw at him?”. Completely mental. Not to mention weight gain, acne and even leaky breasts!! My G.P. wasn’t very understanding though and assured me that it was so rare for somone to be suffering these side affects that I couldn’t possibly be. I was adamant it was coming out though and felt better within days. That was 4.5yrs ago and I recently went through the whole discussion again with my G.P. she is desperate to get me on some sort of medical contraception….glorified drug pusher.

  4. Brilliant post! I had such a bad time when I was on the combined pill – it made me so depressed. I’m on the mini pill now and that’s fine for my moods but where I get such bad migraines I thought that maybe it was making it worse so I came off it. Turns out – it actually helped stabilise them! I had even worse migraines when I was off it so I’ve gone back on it now.

    I completely agree about the boys thing too. It seems us ladies have got lumbered with the contraception “bit”. When boys moan about condoms i’m like “well surely it’s better you are having a shag rather than me being mental and hidden in the corner never having sex with you again!”

    I still can’t believe science hasn’t come up with a better form of contraception yet?

    GPs and contraception doesn’t half make me cross though. My new GP is fantastic – but my last one (one of many as I could never seem the same one) gave me a whole massive lecture abuot migraine medication acting like I knew nothing and then offered me the implant…which I can’t have as I get migraines! Best bet is to always do your research yourself of your options and then speak with your GP. Always know what you are putting in your body!

  5. Matt Ripper says:

    I kinda feel obliged to pop my hand up and say that there are sensible blokes out there and that we’re not all condom and femidom haters.

    An ex of mine went on the pill once (mainly because money was tight, condoms were expensive, the free ones from the FPC were uncomfortable and she got free prescriptions) and it didn’t go well, oddly though for me as well as for her. For various reasons I shan’t go into here, I’ve never wanted to be a father, so I’ve always made a point of taking my share of the contraceptive responsability seriously and have always bought condoms. When it came down to getting down to it without any barrier protection, I just didn’t feel comfortable or safe at all. We managed it once and I was kinda freaked out afterwards, which put a kibosh on the whole Operation: Save a Few Quid. We ended up going straight to Boots when we were next in town and stocked up again.

    Luckily for me this time around, my fiancee isn’t keen on non-barrier sex either, so we’ve got loads of condoms in and are gonna give femidoms a try, too. I’d rather spend some money and perhaps go without some booze and sweets for a week if it means not worrying about becoming parents.

    Anyway, enough of the over-share. I just thought I’d say not all of us boys are thoughtless or don’t care.

  6. Danielle says:

    Great post! I was on a low-dose pill when I was in a LTR and thankfully, I never experienced any horrific side effects. Since I’ve been single, I’ve been happy to discover that the few gents I’ve been lucky enough to have “encounters” with have initiated condom use without any prompting from me. Other than that anxious feeling leading up to your period where you game the percentages of condom failure in your head, there doesn’t seem to be any downsides to barriers and I’m glad to take a break from hormones. I guess if I meet I guy I’d want to be exclusive with, I’d consider pills again.

  7. ruth moog says:

    well look at this what i saw on tumblr…
    “The Best Birth Control In The World Is For Men”

    I assume it’s not been trialed yet, I would think NHS would be all over this money saving miracle thingy, probably start injecting teenagers when they have their tetanus done.

    • Matt Ripper says:

      See, I don’t think the NHS would get behind that without a struggle. It’s a one-off procedure (not including the reversal) that won’t bring in much money, where as the pill is a recurring money maker. Chances are it’s going to cost an arm and a leg if and when it becomes approved for use, especially with the NHS “reforms” happening now.

      Here’s an article about it on another site that suggests it will be marketed as an alternative to vasectomy, rather than as a general-use contraceptive. http://www.newmalecontraception.org/risug.htm

      • ruth moog says:

        I assumed the NHS were generally footing the costs of meds therefore would get behind a more one-off type drug than recurring prescription type drug, also assuming it’d be cheaper. don’t know how it works though.

        Also assumed the reforms weren’t happening due to them being stupid!

  8. Dons says:

    You’re not feminists? 😦

  9. Steffi says:

    My God I have found this site and I cant tell you how great this timing is! You guys are amazing, you write so well. Finally some sense out of ‘horrormoan’ discussions. Ah, there is a Goddess!!!

    I am feeling pretty lost here! It dawned on me about twenty minutes ago that the terrible time I am having might be linked to my pill! Do you think it is possible to go from a person who is secure in themselves, confident and outgoing, to someone who no longer enjoys their own company AT ALL, feels constantly alone and clings to the hope that their boyfriend is going to text them, with all their might?! And then feels totally unloved and insulted when he doesn’t?? Is it even remotely possible that the pill could be doing this?! And if it was going to happen because of the pill, surely it would have kicked in sooner than, say, 8-10 months after starting it? I’ll explain….

    I have terrible acne. I always had clear skin, but about 3 years ago when I turned 26 it started and it has been a right bastard ever since. I have tried various pills throughout my adult life with a view to preventing pregnancy, and I seem to remember Microgynon sending me loopy when I was 18. at least i thought it was that, anyway. I tried Cerazette – the mini pill – but just spotted for months and months and in the end gave up the pill all together, and my relationship at that time ended anyway so I had a break from it. I dont seem to remember feeling at all uneasy about being with myself and doing my own thing whilst not on ANY pill – i guess this is important. Anyway so I was put on Yasmin a year or two ago to help with my skin and I think I felt alright. Now I am with someone again and am on Microgynon – which I now remember might have been the reason I cried nearly every day when I was younger. Daft! Anyway, so there is one other side to this…I used to be a chronic cannabis smoker and have given it up. The last 2-3 days of my cannabis use became my last because, for a number of reasons I wont go into here, I felt like i was losing my mind. I suffered 2-3 days of mental and then physical withdrawal, and I know the stuff wont be out of my body for a month, but I tell you, the days that followed the end fo that physical withdrawal were just lovely – I had what I call a ‘quiet mind’, I texted my fella or called him because I ‘chose’ to, not because the tail was wagging the dog and I was desperate for his attention as confirmation that he hadn’t changed his mind about being with me. Sadly though, 2 weeks in to my new life without cannabis, the feelings have returned, almost with a vengeance. I have smoked pretty much all my adult life, but I am seeing an almost definite correlation with how I feel about myself and my pill consumption. Is this even possible? I feel like my self-esteem is in the gutter and actually, my week gap to allow for my period coincided exactly with the first week of my detox from cannabis and i felt so very much at peace. Next thing I know, the week ends, im back on the pill and within 4 days I feel like a clingy psycho-bitch.

    Please – can anyone offer any reassurance that:

    a) it is possible to feel a definite difference in mood as quickly as during the 7 day gap to allow for periods
    b) it is possible that the hormones in the combined pill could be making me needy, clingy, and feeling as if I am completely unable to be alone in my own company anymore?

    Yours desperately…x

    • pandacrumpet says:

      Hey Steff – so glad you found/read this. What a big thing to deal with and go through. Can only go on what I know from personal experience, but I’d really suggest you go see doctor/nurse/family planning clinic – FP clinics are REALLY good and friendly from an advice point of view, and will be a little more understanding/open to discuss your worries re: smoking etc too, I reckon. First off though, I’d ask to try different pill or even implant… It was Cilest I took which made me feel EXACTLY how you described during the week off. Now on Cerazette which has no gap and no periods, and I don’t feel mental at ALL – but different for everyone. Go speak to someone and try something different, though. Feel better x Crumpet

      • Steffi says:

        Hey dude! Ah thanks for this. Yeah I think I will definitely make a point of going for a new pill – the mini pill should have far less impact since its Progesterone only…might push for that. That’s right – the implant is progesterone only too isnt it, so if I have a good response to something like Cerazette and start to feel like myself again then perhaps i can go for that as a more long-term solution. Ahh thanks guys, you’re great. I guess I will see a definite increase in acne (like it needs it) but you cant have it all. Ill get to a dermatologist to sort that out instead of pumping my body full of hormones which I think it is telling me it clearly doesnt want! Bless you xxx

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